Thoughts

What is this weird feeling?

I took my very first Toastmasters contest today and I guess it went well?

I have never participated in a speech competition before. When I took part, I did not know what I was getting myself into and what I actually should be thinking about. I took a blind leap of faith and got my name on the contest list.

I know what it is like to be nervous before a speech or before starting something else in life but this feeling that I had was really different.

I was telling everyone that I was scared and I was afraid that I would tank today. If “tank” was the word of the day today, I would have gotten like a 1000 rounds of applauds today. I was making calls to my friends randomly and telling them that I am about to tank (I have no idea why I did that).

I made sure that I was the last guy to hit the stage. I listened to the topic (It was such a wonderful one) and I guess I knew what I had to say.
I took the stage and started talking about the topic. I couldn’t re-state the topic in front of the mass. I had a faint idea about the topic but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I don’t even remember what I said.

But trust me when I say this, I was not nervous. My hands did not tremble. They tremble all the time when I take the stage but today it was different. The feeling was different. It was neither excitement nor it was fear. It was lingering somewhere in the happy middle I guess.

I have never felt this feeling before. What was it? Will I ever feel it again? Am i thinking too much? Is this the result of reading too much of philosophy?

Did I win? Yes I did.

When the TMoE Toastmaster Shiv Raj, announced “The first place for the table topics winner is Toastmaster Sagar KC”, I was shocked to say the least. I genuinely did not think that I would win it.

Did I do well? I don’t know.

Am I satisfied ? No.

WHY?

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